Man I can’t seem to muster any enthusiasm for this light-headed thing lately. I guess I’m a little bored with both my thoughts and my images, and have been busy trying to distract myself from giving either much attention. Now I get why so many people mindlessly watch endless hours of television. World news being the catalyst that subtlety lured me in, with the somewhat noble intention of wanting to keep up with all the historic events taking place globally, before I knew it I’d actually become addicted to American Idol. How did that happen?!? I’d never before watched even one entire show, and now I’m in danger of truly caring about the outcome. For someone who almost never watches television and avoids getting caught up in pop culture this to me signifies some serious avoidance behavior.
It’s almost as if I’m locked in a kind of self-induced limbo prison, complaining at the same time that I can hear the keys to freedom jangling around in my own pocket. I understand what the problem is. I know what has to be done. And I also sympathize with the resistance.
Life is always calling us forward in big and small ways, and it’s the refusal to listen, as well as the fear of leaving ones comfort zone, that eventually leads to atrophy and discomfort. There is no staying the same. We grow or we wither. We feel or we numb out. Sometimes I just get tired of being the girl who feels so much that apathy begins to look appealing. But I don’t wear it well and it’s not who I am.
The question is never-ending and the choice we’re offered daily is ours alone to make: Do I expand or do I contract?