wings

 
I’d had a tough week, with a pretty major disappointment and a lot of minor frustrations. As a result, I was kind of down and definitely lacking confidence going into this shoot. The awareness of my self-doubt only exacerbated the bad feelings and I really wondered in the tense moments prior to beginning the session if I’d ever learn to believe in myself completely.

The children were so spirited and wonderful that it didn’t take long at all for me to get over myself and just be with them. Their mom was content to let me do as I wish while she read magazines, and I was grateful for this freedom and lack of eyes watching me work. And so, since I had no preset agenda on this particular morning I wasn’t into guiding much at all, and perhaps more open to being carried in whatever direction the children might lead. (Provided the light was pretty where we landed.)

I was photographing her little sister who’d momentarily settled herself into a softly lit spot…..just the kind of place and time where I can become very one-track minded and oblivious to outside influence. For having three little kids moving about within a few feet of me it was surprisingly quiet, or maybe I’d entered that wonderful dimension where peace and tranquility can be had no matter what’s happening around me. Yes, I think that was it.

And then out of the imagined silence I heard her breathy little voice. “Wings”, was all she said. I glanced over at her just when she’d picked up a large wilted yellow leaf from an elephant ear plant. Without skipping a beat she fashioned the decomposing leaf across her back and magically turned it into wings.

This is why I choose to photograph children. Only they are able to take something we grownups would regard as waste to be disposed of, and transform it into a vehicle of flight. I observe them with camera and they give me hope that I might do the same someday. But it seems I’m learning this rather slowly.

I was only able to get three shots of the butterfly-girl, not one of them technically good images at all–made in rather difficult light while I was tightly backed into a corner as far as I could go. But I love them nonetheless. She inspired me and lifted me with her fragile worn out wings and so I will cherish my imperfect portraits of this butterfly-girl for a long, long time.

 
~Cynthia